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95 \

96 I consulted my watch. \home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night.\

97 I deposited her at the girls' dormitory, where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly to my room. Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet. For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back. It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure. The girl simply had a logic-proof head.

98 But then I reconsidered. I had wasted one evening: I might as well waste another. Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind, a few embers still smoldered. Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame. Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try. 99 Seated under the oak the next evening I said, \called Ad Misericordiam.\

100 She quivered with delight.

101 \him what his qualifications are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming.\

102 A tear rolled down each of Polly's pink cheeks. \awful,\

103 \

answered the boss's questions about his qualifications. Instead he appealed to the boss's sympathy. He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam. Do you understand?\

104 \

105 I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes. \False Analogy. Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations. After all, surgeons have X-rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have blueprints to guide them when they are building a house. Why, then,

shouldn't students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?\ 106 \heard in years.\

107 \carpenters aren't taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are. The situations are altogether different, and you can't make an analogy between them.\

108 \

109 \

Contrary to Fact.\

110 \

111 \plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende (n.沥青油矿), the world today would not know about radium .\

112 \it just knocked me out. That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy. I mean he fractures me.\

113 \like to point out that the statement is a fallacy. Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date. Maybe somebody else would have discovered it. Maybe any number of things would have happened. You can't start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it.\

114 \hardly ever see him any more.

115 One more chance, I decided. But just one more. There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear. \ 116 \

117 \opponent is a notorious liar. You can't believe a word that he is going to say. '... Now, Polly, think. Think hard. What's wrong?\

118 I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration. Suddenly, a g1immer of intelligence—the first I had seen--came into her eyes. \second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?\ 119 \The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it. He has hamstrung his opponent before he could even start. … Polly, I?m proud of you.\ 120 \

121 \concentrate. Think--examine—evaluate. Come now, let's review everything we have learned.”

122 \

123 Heartened by the knowledge that Polly was not altogether a cretin , I began a long, patient review of all I had told her. Over and over and over again I cited instances pointed out flaws, kept hammering away without let-up. It was like digging a tunnel. At first everything was work, sweat, and darkness. I had no idea when I would reach the light, or even if I would. But I persisted. I pounded and clawed and scraped, and finally I was rewarded. I saw a chink of light. And then the chink got bigger and the sun came pouring in and all was bright.

124 Five grueling nights this took, but it was worth it. I had made a logician out of Polly; I had taught her to think. My job was done. She was worthy of me at last. She was a fit wife for me, a proper hostess for my many mansions, a

suitable mother for my well-heeled children.

125 It must not be thought that I was without love for this girl. Quite the contrary, Just as Pygmalion loved the perfect woman he had fashioned, so I loved mine. I determined to acquaint her with my feeling at our very next meeting. The time had come to change our relationship from academic to romantic.

126 \discuss fallacies.\

127 \

128 \w spent five evenings together. We have gotten along splendidly. It is clear that we are well matched.”

129 “Hasty Generalization,” said Polly brightly. 130 “I beg your pardon,” said I.

131 “Hasty Generalization,” she repeated. “How can you say that we are well matched on the basis of only five dates?”

132 I chuckled with amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons well. \After all, you don't have to eat a whole cake to know it's good.\

133 \ 134 I chuckled with somewhat less amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons perhaps too well. I decided to change tactics. Obviously the best

approach was a simple, strong, direct declaration of love. I paused for a moment while my massive brain chose the proper words. Then I began:

135 \stars and the constellations of outer space. Please, my darling, say that you will go steady with me, for if you will not, life will be meaningless. I will languish (vi.憔悴). I will refuse my meals. I will wander the face of the earth, a shambling (摇摇晃晃地走), hollow-eyed hulk.\

136 There, I thought, folding my arms, that ought to do it. 137 \

138 I ground my teeth. I was not Pygmalion; I was Frankenstein, and my monster had me by the throat. Frantically I fought back the tide of panic surging through me. At all costs I had to keep cool.

139 \fallacies.\

140 \ 141 \ 142 \

143 \hadn't come along you never would have learned about fallacies.\ 144 \

145 I dashed perspiration from my brow. \take all these things so literally. I mean this is just classroom stuff. You know

that the things you learn in school don't have anything to do with life.\ 146 \

147 That did it. I leaped to my feet, bellowing like a bull. \you not go steady with me?\ 148 \ 149 \

150 \with him.\

151 I reeled back, overcome with the infamy of it. After he promised, after he made a deal, after he shook my hand! \chunks of turf . \rat.\

152 \must be a fallacy too.\

153 With an immense effort of will, I modulated my voice. \\Burch over me? Look at me--a brilliant student, a tremendous intellectual, a man with an assured future. Look at Petey--a knothead, a jitterbug, a guy who'll never know where his next meal is coming from. Can you give me one logical reason why you should go stead with Petey Burch?\

154 \

(from Rhetoric in a Modern Modeby James K. Bell and Adrian A. Cohn) knot head

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NOTES

1. Max Shulman (1919-- ): one of America's best-known humorists. Max Shulman is a writer of many talents. He has written novels, stories, Broadway plays, movie scenarios, and television scripts. He is the author of Barefoot Boy with Cheek, The Feather Merchant, and Rally Round the Flag, Boys as well as of the TV series Dobie Gillis.

2.Big Men on Campus: important and popular people in the university 3.Stutz Bearcat: name of an automobile

4.Holy Toledo: an interjectional compound (like holy cow! holy smoke! ) to express astonishment, emphasis, etc.

5.What's Polly to me, or me to Polly? : perhaps a parody of \or he to Hecuba that he should weep for her?\Ⅱ, scene 2

6. delish, marvy, sensaysh, terrif, magnif: clipped, vulgar forms for delicious, marvelous, sensational, terrific and magnificent

7. Dicto Simpliciter: clipped form of \

a Latin phrase meaning \what (it really is)\8. Post Hoc: clipped form of post hoc, ergo propter hoc, a Latin phrase meaning \happening which follows another must be its result

9. Ad Misericordiam: a Latin phrase meaning \appealing to pity or compassion

10. Walter Pidgeon: a Hollywood film actor

11. fracture: American slang meaning\cause to react with enthusiasm\

12. Pygmalion: (Greek mythology) a king of Cyprus, and a sculptor, who fell in love with his own statue of Galatea, later brought to life by the goddess of love, Aphrodite, at his prayer

13. Frankenstein: the title character in a novel (1818) by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley: he is a young medical student who creates a monster that destroys Him