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三、Help Yourself through the Hard Times
1、Some years ago I had what most would call the American Dream: a thriving construction business, a comfortable home, two new cars and a sailboat. Moreover, I was happpily married. I had it all.几年前，我拥有大多数人称之为美国梦想的东西：一份蒸蒸日上的建筑生意，一个舒适的家，两辆新车和一艘帆船，此外，我婚姻幸福。我拥有这一切。 2、Then the stock market crashed, and suddenly no one was looking at the houses I’d built.Months of murderous interest payment gobbled up my savings. I couldn’t make ends meet and lay awake nights in a cold sweat. Just when I though things couldn’t get worse, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce.接着，股市垮了，突然间再没人看我修的那些房子。连续几个月支付要命的利息，耗尽了我的积蓄。我入不敷出，经常彻夜无眠，一身冷汗。就在我认为事情不可能变得更糟的时候，我太太宣布她想离婚。
3、With no idea what to do next, I resolved literally to “sail off into the sunset,” following the coastline from Connecticut to Florida. But somewhere off New Jersey I turned due east, straight out to sea. Hours later, I climbed up on the stern rail and watched the dark Atlantic slip beneath the hull. How easy it would be to let the water take me, I thought.无所适从的我决心真正驾船“向夕阳行驶”，沿着海岸线从康涅狄格州驶向佛罗里达州。但是在离新泽西巷的地方，我转向正东方，直接驶往大海。几小时后，我爬上船尾的栏杆，注视着从船体下面滑过的黑
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沉沉的大西洋海水。我想让海水淹死是多么容易的一件事。 4、Suddenly the boat plummeted between two swells, knocking me off balance. I grabbed the rail, my feet dragging in icy brine, and just managed to haul myself back on board. Shaken, I thought, what’s happening to me? Idon’t want to die.From that moment, I knew I had to see things through. My old life was gone. Somehow I’d have to build a new one.突然，帆船笔直地落在两个巨浪之间，使我失去了平衡。我手抓住 栏杆，脚浸在冰冷的海水里，勉强把自己拉回船上。震惊之余，我想，我这是怎么了？我不想死。从那一刻起，我知道我必须看穿万物。我从前的生活一去不复返了，必须得想办法自己重建新的生活。
5、Everyone, at some point, will suffer a loss-the loss of loved ones. Good health, a job. “It’s your desert experience’-a time of feeling barren of options, even hope,” explains Patrick Ddl Zoppo, a psychologist and bereavement specialist with the Archdiocese of New York. “The important thing is not to allow yourself to be stranded in the desert.”每个人，在某个时刻，都将遭受损失—失去挚爱的人、健康或是工作。“这是你经历中的荒漠---一段感到毫无出路，甚至毫无希望的时期”，帕垂克·戴尔·左珀解释说。他是一名心理学家，纽约大主教管区的丧亲之痛专家，“重要的是不要让你自己陷入荒漠之中无法自拔”。 6、Let Yourself Grieve. Counelors agree that a period of grieving is critical. “There’s no shame in this,” says Del Zoppo. “Tears aren’t a sign
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that you’re simply feeling sorry for yourself but are expression of sadness or emotion that must find an outlet.”让自己悲痛。顾问们一致认为，一段时间的悲痛是至关重要的。“不必为此感到羞愧”，戴尔·左珀说，“眼泪并不意味着你仅仅自我垂怜，而是表达必须发泄的忧伤或情感”。 7、And it doesn’t matter if the grieving takes a while to surface, as long as it finally finds expression. Consider the case of Donna Kelb of Syracuse, N.Y. One spring day her 16-year-old son, Cliff, Jr. and 15-year-old son, Jimmy, were sanding their boat, preparing it for the season. Suddenly Donna heard a scream. Rushing outside, she found her two sons lying on the ground near the boat.如果悲痛需要一段时间才能表现出来，也没有什么关系，只要它能最终找到表现的方式。看看纽约锡拉库扎港的唐娜·克博的例子。在一个春光明媚的日子里，她16岁的儿子小克立夫和他15岁的弟弟吉米正在给他们的船装沙，为渔季做准备。突然，唐娜听到一声尖叫。她冲到外面，发现两个儿子倒在船旁边的地面上。 8、Jimmy had gone into the water and returned dripping wet. When he picked up the sander, he was electrocuted. Cliff, knocked to the ground by the current when he tried to grab the tool, recovered.吉米下到水中，上来的时候浑身湿透了。当他拿起磨沙器时，触电致死。克立夫在试图拿过磨沙器时被电流击倒在地，后来康复了。
9、Donna was so numbed by this tragedy that she didn’t cry for weeks-not even at the funeral, Then back at work one day, she began to feel dizzy. “Finally I went home, locked myself in my room and just wailed.” she
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says, “it was as though this great weight was being lifted from my shoulders.”这个悲剧的打击让唐娜变得麻木，以致好几周都没哭出来—甚至在葬礼上也没有哭。后来有一天下班归来，她开始感到晕眩。“最终我回到家，将自己锁在房间里，开始嚎啕大哭”，她说，仿佛这块巨石从肩膀上卸下来。
10、What Kelb, experienced after her tragic loss was what Del Zoppo calls a “first-line defense that shields the consciousness from some extremely unpleasant reality.” Kelb couldn’t begin her healing process until nature had allowed her time to sort out her tragedy.克博在悲剧之后的经历就是戴尔·左珀所说的一种“使意识远离极端不愉快的现实的首要防范心理”。除非本能给予她解决好悲剧的时间，否则克博不可能开始她的康复之路。
11、Understand Your Anger. “Anger is natural.”says Del Zoppo, “but it can be released in a wholesome way.” Properly understand, it can serve your recovery.理解你的怒火。愤怒是天性，戴尔·左珀说，但可以通过健康的方式释放出来。你若得到恰当的理解，它将有助于你的恢复。 12、Candace Bracken’s future seemed full of promise. The 25-year-old airline hemorrhaging uncontrollably. Acute leukemia was diagnosed, and Bracken was of myself, lived a straignt and narrow life,” says Bracken was given two weeks to live. After the initial shock, she felt angry. “I had taken care of myself, lived a straight and narrow life,” says Bracken of Miami. “Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to people like me.”
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以前坎迪斯·布赖青肯的未来似乎是一片光明。作为一名25岁的航班调度员，她刚生了一个宝宝，才换了份工作。然而有一天她开始不由自主地出血。诊断出是急性白血病，只有两个星期可活。震惊之余，她感到愤怒，我一直爱惜自己的身体，生活诚实，正派，迈阿密的布赖肯说“这种事情不应该发生在像我这样的人身上。
13、She reeled at the thought of her imminent death, and withdrew. “I just gave up,” she says. Then a doctor told her she needed to arrange for someone to care for her daughter. “How dare you tell me to find someone else to raise my child!” Bracken snapped. At that moment, she realized that she had strong reasons to fight for he life. Her anger, formerly crippling now sparked her. It helped see her through a harrowing, but ultimately successful, bone-marrow transplant.一想到死亡即将来临，她就感到心绪不宁，屈服了。我完全放弃了，她说。后来一个医生告诉她说她需要安排人照料她的女狼。“你竟敢让我找别人带大我的小孩！”布赖肯历声说。在那一刻，她意识到有充分的理由去为自己的生命而战。她的愤怒开始时极为有害，现在却鼓舞了她，帮助她渡过了痛彻心肺但最终成功的骨髓移植。
14、Face the Challeng. Another obstacle on the road to health after a significant loss can be denial. Instead of facing what has happened to them, says Dr. Michael Aronoff, psychiatrist and a spokesperson for the American Psychiatirc Association, many people “try to fill up that empty feeling looking for an escape.” The man who rarely touched a drink will
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